Everyone Billy Wilder Knows is Dead - Except Tony Curtis

Every major star that Billy Wilder has directed in his films is dead. Except Tony Curtis. And Kim Novak. And Shirley MacLaine.

Let's look at the evidence:

Buddy Buddy - Jack lemmon, Walter Matthau, Paula Prentiss - all dead
Fedora - William Holden, Jose Ferrer, Henry Fonda - all dead
The Front Page (1974) - Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau - dead
Avanti - Jack Lemmon - dead
The Fortune Cookie _ Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau - dead
Kiss Me, Stupid - Dean Martin - dead
Irma la Douce - Jack Lemmon - dead
One, Two, Three - James Cagney - dead
The Apartment - Jack Lemmon, Fred MacMurray - dead
Some Like It Hot - Marilyn Monroe, Jack Lemmon, George Raft, Pat O'Brien - all dead
Witness for the Prosecution - Marlene Dietrich, Charles Laughton, Tyrone Power, Elsa Lanchester - all dead
Love in the Afternoon - Gary Cooper, Audrey Hepburn, Maurice Chevalier - all dead
The Spirit of St. Louis - Jimmy Stewart - dead
The Seven Year Itch - Marilyn Monroe - dead
Sabrina - Humphrey Bogart, Audrey Hepburn, William Holden - all dead
Stalag 17 - William Holden - dead
Ace In the Hole - Kirk Douglas - dead
Sunset Blvd. - William Holden, Gloria Swanson - both dead

The list of his films goes back and every major star is dead. EXCEPT FOR TONY CURTIS, KIM NOVAK AND SHIRLEY MACLAINE.

Clearly Tony, Kim and Shirley have the secret of eternal life. Vampires, perhaps. Hmmm...
Billy Wilder, genius as a writer and director and STONE KILLER OF MOVIE STARS.

Gabriel Shaffer Art Show Opening Tonight 9/12/08

Visionary artist and friend, Gabriel Shaffer's show If You Want Blood opens tonight at the Satellite Gallery right here in Asheville, NC.

Here's Gabe's website - http://gabrielshaffer.com/

and here's the Satellite Gallery, a great space and a prime showcase

http://www.thesatellitegallery.com/

And later today I'll learn how to post pictures and revisit this space and do so.

Football Sunday - NFL Week 1 late games

Arizona 23, San Francisco 13 - After losing to the Niners twice last year and not making the playoffs since the days of Conrad Dobler and Jim Hart (don't care if I'm wrong on this, there's no way I'm going to check, the Cards suck), the Cards won a game they had to. Matt Leinart, who couldn't beat out 97 year old Kurt Warner as the starting QB, is a USC Heisman winner who isn't even playing!!! But boy can he hot tub and beer bong!!! The Niners need to hire a GM who knows how to draft. All these years with great low picks in all the rounds and nothing to show???!!!
Cowboys 28, Browns 10 - And what are the experts looking at? They thought the Browns would be tough, they thought the Browns could win. The Browns have no defensive backs. They're lucky Dallas only scored 28. And Cleveland, the only team not named after a color and not named pixies or Brownies, BUT NAMED AFTER THE MAN WHO FOUNDED THEM!, will never get to the Super Bowl. NFL, AFC, doesn't matter, they ain't going. Oh, and the Cowboys would be the Dallas Murchisons if they were named after their founder. Change your name. And for that matter, why are the Browns' helmets ORANGE???!!!
Carolina 26, San Diego 24 - On the last play of the game, to their back-up tight end, Dante Rosario, who will be a star in this league, and on the road, without their best player and best receiver, Steve Smith, the Panthers did the job. Will somebody please tell me when they will fire Norv Turner? So what he once was on Jimmy Johnson's staff. So what he's got those track shoe scars on his neck. So what. He will never win and he will never win a Super Bowl. He won't even get there. Not as a Head Coach. Losing at home to a QB who hadn't played since game 3 or 4 of last year (not counting pre-season). Unbelievable. I say it is the curse of LT. I love LaDainian Tomlinson. He is a HOF back, surely. But he is not LT. LAWRENCE TAYLOR IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE. Perhaps if they call him LaDainian Tomlinson more they might get to the Big Dance. Otherwise, brings back Alworth, Lincoln and Ernie Ladd.

Football Sunday - NFL Week 1

And this is without Direct TV as I've got 100+ foot tall trees in my backyard which interfere with the southwestern exposure needed for satellite transmissions TO MY HOUSE. As they say, we can put a man on the moon but we can't develop a satellite dish that can receive transmissions through leaves and branches!!! On to the games:
Giants 16, Redskins 7 - we live-blogged this game and there's nothing left to say except Chris Samuels is a punk and Kiwi, hope you're healthy. Go Giants. Go Blue.
Baltimore 17, Cincinnati 10 - some people thought that since the ravens were starting a rookie QB, Joe Flacco, that the Bengals would win on the road. But the Ravens still play defense and Ocho Cinco can change his name all he likes - he is a loser and the Bengals, with those ugly, ugly helmets and an aversion to defense, will never be winners.
Jets 20, Dolphins 14 - Brett threw up a lob, a jump ball had it been thrown by Mendy Rudolph, a ball with more hang time than most punts, and since he had seen what Eli did in the Super Bowl, had to emulate and it came down in the arms of an open receiver for a touchdown!!! Not a pretty game but the Jets did enough and they were playing the Dolphins, 1-15 last year. Unlike the unsportsmanlike members of the '72 Dolphins, I break open a bottle of bubbly every time the Dolphins lose. C'mon, Miami, there's just so much champagne I can drink. And every time I hear an announcer call them the Fish I feel the creationists have won. Dolphins are not Fish. They are Mammals and very closely related to us. Even better - millions of years ago, they CHOSE to go back to the water. If only we can convince Republicans today to follow their lead.
New England 17, Chiefs 10 - Brady injured. World mourns. The announcers talked about how "dirty" a play it was. It was inadvertent and it wasn't late. Where were they when Chris Samuels attacked Kiwi from behind??? Nothing else to say. The World waits for news. Supermodels cry and eat an entire salad while they mourn, not thinking of the avoirdupois. But only of their Tom.
Steelers 38, Houston 17 - Twas ever thus. Willie Parker ran for 138, Ben stood tall and didn't ride the Harley, and unless Houston can get Elvin Bethea and Warren Moon and Billy White Shoes they're in for a long year.
Tennessee 17, Jacksonvillle 10 - the phony-baloney Super Bowl contenders from Florida lose a road game they should win. Nothing else to see here. Please go to your homes.
Atlanta 34, Detroit 21 - Ryan's a rookie, he can't possibly win his first game ever. Kitna loves Jesus, he'll get all the help he needs. Folks actually thought "this is a different Lions team". Yes, this is the 2008 version of a bad Lions team. Oh, and Mr. Kitna - Jesus doesn't care about football. He cares about love and peace and love thy neighbor and turn the other cheek and since you're making bank as an NFL QB, it will be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for you, John Kitna, to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Might consider easing up on the praying and more attention to the playing.
Bills 34, Seahawks 10 - Bills D is for real. Seattle will never win as long as you cannot tell from the televsion what color their jerseys are. Green? Blue? Greenish-bluish? WTF!!! Pick a color and stick with it. And with Wilford Brimley as your coach... a win in the Super Bowl is not gonna happen.
Saints 24, Bucs 20 - Hannah, Ike, whatever hurricane is coming next, doesn't matter. Saints have the juju even though Reggie Bush, who should be returning the Heisman any day now, is not a difference maker on an NFL field. The closest player I ever saw to Reggie in college was Johnnie Rodgers. Johnnie Rodgers of Nebraska was a touchdown machine in college, scoring from anywhere on the field. Amazing. And then he went to Canada (not to avoid the draft, btw, but to play their version of our version) and disappeared. Much like Bush in New Orleans.
Eagles 38, Rams 3 - Defenses hate to give up 3. A few yards further back they've got a shut-out. Eagles looked good but Rams stink. McNabb looked good. He'd better, he plays in the best division in football. And the Rams aren't in it.

Late games later.

The real McSame: A Real Maverick

Just checking the Websters this afternoon and here's their definition of maverick - an unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it. The Democrats and the Obama campaign should be hitting this hard. McSame says he's a maverick and people tend to believe it. But they're all looking at the second definition - one that refuses to abide by the dictates of or resists adherence to a group. Now we all know that this is mere fabrication. John McSame voted with George Bush over 90% of the time. That's not a maverick. He changed his positions on taxes and torture and pretty much everything else to adhere to strict Republican policy. Adherence to policy is not being a maverick. Resisting it is. But Democrats should look at the first definition. "TRADITIONALLY THE PROPERTY OF THE FIRST PERSON WHO BRANDS IT." That is John McSame. He has been branded by the ultra-right wing of the POW party. He has been branded by the fundamentalist theocrats who are the base and chose his highly unqualified VP running mate. He has been branded by the lobbyists who run his campaign. He has been branded by Karl Rove, Bush's puppetmaster who "advises" the campaign and calls the shots. Rove is a master proponent of the Big Lie, which makes perfect sense as the Big Lie is the famous propaganda technique defined by Rove mentor A. Hitler in his book Mein Kampf but spun by Nazi spinmeister Joseph Goebbels. Goebbels' take on the Big Lie is Rove's - "...lie big and stick to it. Keep up the lies even at the risk of looking ridiculous." Since the press rarely, if ever, calls McSame on his lies (He was a POW!, which is his get out of jail free card for everything) why not call him a maverick and insist that you use the original definition. McSame has been branded over and over and over - the flesh may not be burnt but the lack of empathy for the middle and working classes, the hatred of the poor, the acceptance of religious intolerance and anti-intellectualism, and the adherence to power and violence and military might as answers to complex global problems are SURELY BURNED INTO HIS SOUL.

Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona

Another reason to love Asheville - the Cinebarre. A movie theater where the seats are comfortable and recline; there's a counter for your drinks and food; and they bring you food - pizza, burgers, sandwiches, all cooked to order during the movie - right to your seat. I don't know which pizza I had, there were 7 to choose from, and yes, they were called the Magnificent Seven (btw one of my all-time favorite movies), I might've had the First Blood (extra tomato sauce and red peppers) or the Passion of the Christ (Jesus loved a little hummus and fig paste on his pizza. Yuppie, yummy and Yahwehlicious all at once).
Speaking of the Magnificent Seven, i love that Yul Brynner is the leader of the 7. We hear where they all came from to fight for the little Mexican village. One came down from Abilene, one had just killed the Johnson brothers and needed to lay low. But Brynner is never asked cause what would he say - "I had a run in with some Cossacks in Vladivostok and had to leave or the Tsarina would have me mounted. And I mean mounted, if you get my catherine the Great drift. Hey-O!" But its got Brynner and McQuuen and Bronson and Coburn with the knife and Robert Vaughn and Brad Dexter, the man who owed his career to the fact that he saved Sinatra from drowning on a movie shoot, and Horst Bucholz, an Austrian/German (same thing, ask Hitler) playing a young Mexican and they're all fighting Eli Wallach, a Jew from Brooklyn playing the Mexican bandito Calvera which almost means skeleton in Spanish. So... I was at Cinebarre to see the latest Woody Allen movie, Vicki Cristina Barcelona. Haven't really enjoyed any of his last, oh, 10 movies. But when he was on, like Annie Hall, Manhattan and Crimes and Misdemeanors on, he was in my Pantheon. And I loved this movie. Not for Scarlet J. She does nothing for me. She looks like a mouth-breather and her eyes are just a bit too vacant and bovine. Maybe that's acting but I don't think so. Loved her in Ghost World and now that she's a blonde with big tits I understand the appeal but as for acting chops, don't buy it. And not for Penelope Cruz although she is much more my idea of a woman - sensuous, gorgeous and a bit or a lot crazy. But so hot. No, I loved the movie because he makes Barcelona his new New York. I came home and immediately downloaded and printed out the passport renewal form. I have to go. I was there when I was 18 and I need to go now as an older man. I'll settle for meeting Penelope Cruz's mother! The movie is yet another indictment of bland American WASP culture as compared with the bohemian artistry of soulful, sexual Spanish artists and artistes with seemingly no money problems at all. There are never money problems in Woody movies. Everyone's always free to go to afternoon movies and afternoon bike rides and afternoon lunches that go on for hours. Painters keep great hours. I love movies that are indictments of bland American WASP culture. Easy target, I know, but angst and art and angina and culture are always ethnic and loud and sweaty. Jews and Spaniards (or Catalans) are the same, only the geography has changed. The father who won't publish his love poems because the world is an ugly place. If Javier Bardem says it, that's a deep, meaningful line. If Woody had said it it would have had a zetz, and a shpritz and a joke to top the punch. "My father won't publish his love poems. He says the world is too ugly for such beauty. Here, read this one. He calls it Ode to the Toothless Whore Who Saved Me." Bardem is perfect; you never expect him to kill the entire cast with the pneumatic stun gun from No Country. Cruz speaks Spanish like a native and has the best hair ever. And Patricia Clarkson has the market cornered on the WASPISH woman of a certain age who has ashes and wants love. And best of all, Woody went to Europe and left the movie with a real European ending. No one is happy at the end. That's real, that's life. If he had made this in America surely someone would have had a happy ending. We need to believe the fairy tale. We are children. But Europe raises adults. They can take real. They can take heartbreak. And keep living. Cannot wait to go back to Barcelona. Spain was a mighty country once. Then they kicked out their Jews and pretty much vanished from the world scene. It took a few years 1492-the destruction of the Armada but it happened. Now that the Jews are coming back in the person of Allen Konigsberg (Woody Allen), Spain is moving forward. I cannot wait to go.

McSame: "We have to catch up to History." WTF???!!!

As William Saroyan once wrote, seemingly about each and every speech at the GOP/POW party convention in the Twin Cities of Dishonesty and Despair, "No foundation, all the way down the line." No ideas, no thoughts, no actual substance. Nothing. I am angry. I am angry that after eight years of quasi-fascism by the worst President and Vice-President and administration (look up "kakistocracy") in our nation's history Obama is not up 60-40, 70-30, 80-20, in the polls. I am angry that the POW party thinks so little of the intelligence of the American people that they can nominate the supremely unqualified Sarah Palin to be one defibrillator away from the Oval Office SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE SHARES SOME SECONDARY SEX CHARACTERISTICS with an actual champion of women's rights, Hillary Clinton. I'm angry that it haas come to this. I'm worried that Republican thugs will make voting hard for some folks. I'm worried that the Diebold machines will drop far more Democratic votes than those for the POW candidate. I'm worried that minorities and young people, who tend to vote, WHEN THEY VOTE, overwhelmingly Democratic, will not get to the polls in record numbers and once again a mindless, worn-out, war-mongering, creationist tool will once again be the face of America. As they said in the great You Got Served episode of South Park, "It's on. Oh, it's on."

live blogging the giants redskins

that was the greatest 5 yard run with jacobs carrying the tacklers sideways for the entire 5. amazing, even if it is short. just shy. but what a run. terrible kick. directional, al??? 1:31, skins down 9. 67 yards for a td. james thrash, incomplete. 12 years in the nfl for thrash. wow. how bad are the kids coming out of college that a lifetime 3rd or 4th guy on the depth chart has been in the nfl for 12 years??? 13 seconds. they have to go to the endzone. santana moss will never make the big play. giants win but how is KIWI??? he didn't go down awkwardly. he was tackled by samuels, a dirty, dirty play. and now the GOP, the great white party. and it took brian williams 5 seconds to mention that mccain was a POW. if that's all it takes to qualify to be president, then eldridge cleaver should have been elected. he was a political prisoner of this country for years. if only cleaver had been a republican. and with that, go giants. go obama.

live blogging giants redskins

first catch by chris cooley. giants are doing many things right and this was one. al with "alacrity". somebody call dennis miller. he's probably in st. paul with the other repugnantcans. or are they rethuglicans? all those f.g.'s instead of td's may haunt us yet but let's hope. i'm willing to bet that the moron in the concrete in the verizon commercial has a hot blonde g.f. in many other commercials. cialis for daily use. white guys, black guys, everybody needs cialis. holding #60, left tackle. holding kiwanuka. this is good. that's called alligator arms where he didn't want to get hit. pussy. santana moss. 3rd and 17. great tackle by #21 but god forbid they mention that. 4th and 13. giants take over just before the 2:00 warning. ladell betts, not of the allman brothers. ooh, if he can break that tackle, jacobs might still be running. just went to TPM, talking points memo, a progressive blog i read. there's a picture of cindy mccain. witch-like doesn't begin to say what this picture looks like. she should be on the way to oz to avenge her sister's death.

live blogging giants redskins

4th quarter, starts with a sack by the skins. eli, gotta get rid of the ball. amani toomer and a flag down. illegal shift? wtf??? 2nd and 23 - derek ward. this guy is so cool, such a pro, got 13 of it. now it's 3rd and 10. plax was open, the ball was just too high. chase blackburn tackle. nice. and the opening bass line of On Broadway. into jimmy kimmell for direct tv. never thought too much of him but 2 things changed my mind - number one, he was fucking sarah silverman. not any more but for years and good for him. and number 2, i watched a roast of flava flav (don't ask) and kimmel was great. seriously. terrific. scoreless second half with 11:30 to play in the 4th. get these kinks worked out for week 2. they've got a long week off too before game 2. no excuses any more. the nfc east is too tough. i like when madden says "no excuse". he knows. a face that is punchable. what a great line. could antwaan randle-el be from krypton? jor-el? kal-el? randle-el? hmmmm'... r.w. mcquarters is not b.w. stevenson and he is not on the road to shambala. more hot blonde, okay, semi-hot, and asshole commercial. wendy's. kevin gilbride must hate ahmad bradshaw. not to even see him??? plaxico, 10 catches for 133. amazing. this is plaxico healthy. wonderful. nice little 4 yard run where the tackle throws you over the first down. nice. and that's the risk, defenses will know that eli tends to look at plax. yes, he is open most of the time but there eli just looked and locked on plax too early. chris wilson with a sack. keep hitting your head, chris. we can't believe it either. punt downed at the 9. still 16-7. bud light lime. yep, hispanics are the new IN minority. knight rider, with the voice of fred travalena as KITT. stupid penalty after a great defensive stop in the backfield. antonio, you're a veteran and a leader. asshole. same play, tuck this time. and no penalty. we are seeing the start of a HOF career. blitz, 26 yards to randle-el.

live blogging the giants redskins

portis for 3. go D. 3rd down. and 5. roll out, i bet. nope, 2 yard pass and nothing more. punt. yes, please keep smashing your own chest, rock cartwright. you did your job, nothing more, nothing less. hot blonde and asshole dane cook. no one rushes to see that. they've stopped calling him "funnyman" dane cook cause the webster's people sued and won. america's got talent. i don't know, the fat guy singing opera with the backwards hat or the guy spinning with the flaming baton??? 3rd and 1, giants. come on, convert. 16-7, don't like. can be 16-14 like that. oh did steve smith make a great adjustment on the ground to make that catch???!!! beautiful. i love derek ward. he does a bit of everything. burn after reading looks very cool. and brad pitt should never be a star. he is a great character actor - snatch, 12 monkeys, just terrific. when he's a star, eh. mixing madden's post-game snack in a giant cauldron. al michaels mentioning the east village. wow!!! maybe he was at the gem spa with andy and the factory gang. al michaels, too cool. madden just said what i said earlier, 2nd and 2 you can do anything. said play action. that's what i love. play action and go deep. plax, nice. the ball just goes in and sticks. madison hedgecock, first down out of the backfield. another weapon is unleashed. plax looks like a 50s jazz saxophonist. just too fucking cool. with a jazz name too - plaxico burress, the king of the soprano sax. his grammy winning album - plaxico, saxico! i'd buy that.

live blogging giants redskins

false start, pettigout, i mean siebert. go to the money, plax. 2nd and 1. throw the bomb. i love the bomb on 2nd and 1. or go up the middle for 16!! jacobs hits the hole and motors. int. #1, manning rolling left, never good if you cannot set. he wasn't set and the result is INT #1.

live blogging the giants redskins

cannot stand the GOP and brokaw is an apologist for mccain and he just mentioned POW. jeeze!!! okay, didn't cook the fish, had loast night's wings instead. filled, ready to roll, ready to blog. way to go santana. the tackle was made at the same time as the catch. deal with it, lame-o. chris cooley who usually roams free in the giants secondary has been nowhere. this bodes well for the entire season. if the pass rush, the backers and the secondary can take away that slot receiver t.e. or whatever cooley plays, they will be that much tougher on D. even being tackled, jacobs smashed into doughty who fell back 3-4 yards!!! 3rd and 1, barely. come on, let's see bradshaw!!! and let's score on this drive. carlos rogers once again proving why defensive backs are defensive backs - they cannot catch!!! i say hedgecock was the 5th option on that play. terrible drive. punt coming, special teams. we shall see. out of bounds at the 15, nice job. michaels called it a "directional kick". as opposed to the kicks that are just sent out into the universe without regard to which way you're going or field position or the spatial relationships of up, down, east, west, north, and south. thanks, al. go back to your hot blonde wife. 22 yards for portis. another huge hole, this time up the middle. aaron ross, great coverage. almost made a butch johnson catch and roll in the end zone. great tackle. no first. i will never understand why receivers stop a yard short of the first and wait for the ball??? look at the chains, asshole.

live blogging giants redskins

keith urban, usher and zachary levi of chuck??? OMFG!!! if keith urban is the hot blonde, that makes usher the asshole. and zachary levi of chuck is the odd man out or the quirky best friend. costas wearing his bar mitzvah suit. collinsworth, so cool. must check his stats to see if he's HOF worthy. time to cook the fish. and that's not a euphemism for anything.

live blogging the giants redskins

lincoln is trying to be so cool and cutting edge. how to make transformers even worse -in HD!!! 13 seconds, not a minute and a half. 10 seconds. double promo beat double move. vegaas shudders. i'm sure madden watches heroes. take a knee, halftime 16-7. heroes and villains, holy beach boys, batman. senator mccain's big night. 3 viagra tablets!!!

live blogging the giants redskins

rent or buy the original english with ricky gervais as dvid brent. maybe the greatest sitcom ever. i like steve carrell but what is that show??? and special teams breakdown #2, rock cartwright past midfield. c'mon!!! 9 yards for portis. it happens. antwaan randle-el, who i'm sure is stopped at every airport all the time. c'mon D, no points. somehow after they stuffed the run, antonio pierce was guarding chris samules, the giant offensive tackle. hmm??? what is the west coast offense setting up? way to tip the ball, corey webster. 3rd and 11. go blue. go D!!! and after the special teams breakdown, the invisible face-mask penaalty, and then a TD, 16-7. the giantss have a minute and a half. i say go for it!!! end the half 23-7 or 19-7. but go for it.

live blogging the giants redskins

robbins and cofield are so cool!!! r.w. mcquarters just did the nold soupy sales shucks dance move after he realized he had 10 yards with no defenders... and now lincoln is a starship, OY!!! and now odd couple music with jared, ex fat guy and some athlete. a variation on the hot blonde and the asshole commercial. the sunday night team, they need a separate booth for jerome bettis' suits!!! oh brandon, taken down by a lame arm tackle up high!!! toomer, wide open, first down. wonder if he's related to famous writer jean toomer??? jacobs still running tentatively again. what is up??? just hit the hole quickly!!! and that is how you run the football. madison hedgecock, silent film star, with the lead block. derek ward hitting the hole quickly and with authority. al just mentionedd that we haven't seen bradshaw yet. i can't complain. we have 250 yards of offense and are marching again. this giants offense looks so good right now. let's get 6!!! that is defense. 16 yards for the skins!!! and no completions!!! somebody on the skins just made a great defensive play and they didn't mention who made ths top in the backfield on jacobs for the loss. assholes. bet they have hot blonde wives. carney kicks ass, 48 yards at the 2:00 warning, 16-ZIP!!@!

live blogging giants redskins

i'm liking this, 2 possessions, points each time, great start. now keep it up, killer instinct. please never show notre dame coach charlie weis from the waist down ever again!!! scary flesh!!! al and john lost the limo driver black jackets. now they look like entourage extras at the agency. this is good, first guy down made the tackle on the kick-off. james butler had his head moving. james butler IS mickey rivers!!! false start #2 AND NOT LUKE PETTIGOUT!!! danny clark, yes!!! way to be a super bowl champ add-on!!! this west coast offense of the skins is something. a draw on 2nd and 15? that's not west coast anything. santana moss, very unhappy. 3 and out!!! yes!!! mcdougle almost had that. he did his job. not a bad penalty. they'll stop them and he'll make it up on D. 3-4 guys hitting portis on every carry. this is defense. kiwanuka with a great stop. 3rd and 7, blitz, campbell threw it to nobody! another stop on D. jim zorn looks like an extra from the right stuff. first down on the ground, derek ward. endd of 1 quarter 10-0, GIANTS!!! the skins have 1 first-down, and that on a penalty, roughing the kicker. i watched ernie davis play on tv as a kid. what a player. trancsendant. such a sad story. i just want to hear actors have to say "Syracuse coach Ben Shwartzwelder" as many times as possible. going deep down the sideline to 45 year old amani toomer. yes!!! incomplete but hey, he's 45!!! i'm betting we see a lot of bradshaw in the second half. jacobs looks great. ward is doing fine. with that catch, wide open, sinorice moss did more tonight than he did all last season. if he can roam in space like that, yet another weapon. santana moss never looks happy. i guess the giants had no idea what that play was; looked like arena football with everyone in motion. hot blonde with yet another asshole guy commercial. TYREE!!!! plax, all hands!!! show his tapes to young receivers. make this fg, carney... yes, 13-0. 11 minutes to play. oh no, david bowie for lincoln. who is buying lincolns in 2008???? i love bowie and hate that as much as i hate christian slater in anything that isn't heathers. can he stop smirking now that his career is over??? the first special teams breakdown- rock cartwright to the 36. we've got a hold and cooley's first catch will be called back. way to stop portis. 3rd and 1. c'mon DDDDD!!!!! NOTHING!!!!!

live blogging giants redskins

toomer didn't break. smoot, a typical db with no hands, which is why he's not a receiver. too much time i can live with. BUT IT WASN'T FALSE START AND IT WASN'T LUKE PETTIGOUT.

live blogging the giants redskins

now thhat is hitting the hole, brandon. 7 yards!!! run right and right at mr. dancing with the stars taylor. eli calling the crazy play which is what it was as brandon can't handle a toss from a few yards away. how hard is this??? they must convert on this or the field position from their first defensive series will be wasted. and from midfield? good thing it's only week 1, quarter 1. this should be worked out during halftime. and they still have that third down play after this mr. bill commercial. the nhot blonde and the asshole commercial. like most sitcom wives and husbands. hot blonde, asshole guy. derek ward, yes!!! jason taylor must be thinking, why did i come back??? every play is at him. plax is so smooth. all hands, just so smooth. brandon hitting the holes quicker, 17 yards, kiss off laron landry!!! where is marcus washington now??? asshole??? 9 more for jacobs. when linebackers are making tackles from behind after a 9 yard gain, that's trouble. ward stuffed. this is when you need a tight end. play action, tight end releases, wide open, always!!! make this, 100 year old carney!

live blogging the giants redskins

special teams, not bad, the 27! domenik hixon makes the tackle. he's healthy enough for that but not to run back the opening kick-off??? maybe i just didn't see him. maybe the announcers never said who was deep for the giants. whatever happened to SOAP? i have yet to use a body wash. i use soap. knight rider, the series, as opposed to knight rider, the body wash??? justin tuck, yes!!! starting a HOF career off right!!! and fred robbins helped. portis for nothing. yes!!! false start and it wasn't luke pettigout!!! 3rd and 20, they run. they're scared. c'mon, set up a nice return and field position. just shy... of midfield. very dramatic, al. who needs a hyundai that can pull 9 Gs through corners??? how fucking fast is that car going???

live blogging the giants redskins

3rd and 6. come on, blue... which moron in the booth will say my favorite line, "the double move", first? i say al. the new contract is good for plax. great throw, great catch. if eli can learn to throw to his backs and not at their feet he'll be something. a kevin boss sighting. interference, fred smoot, who i think was a character on green acres. has a db ever said, yeah, i did it. erich barnes years ago once said, yeah, i hit the mother on a giants postgame show. eli! for 6!!! yes!!! altthough i am 57 and i could outrun eli. and jeff feagles is now 42 year old jeff feagles, like ex-secretary of state henry kissinger. you can't ust say his name, he needs the epithet like a greek god. during WW2 the eagles and steelers joined forces to save money and were called the steagles. if things get that bad again, say during a third bush-cheney administration, the eagles could merge with the arizona cardinals and become the phoenix feagles.

live blogging the giants redskins

plaxico, wide open!!! look at what plax can do with orthotics!!! nice pass, eli. 5 yards a carry last year. yes!!! brandon. second straight play where marcus washington trying to get up in jacobs's grill. already an asshole, marcus!!!

live blogging the giants redskins

i say giants 31-13. i say the giants run for 150+ yards and eli plays well; not great, but well. and i say cooley catches 7 passes for lots of yards. ahmad bradshaw with a lame return. jacobs a bit too tippy-toes approaching the line. show me that pass again. was it eli aiming at the feet??? or jacobs not reaching??? first down, steve smith. yes. he will be so good this year, a black possession receiver, an nfl breakthrough, yes!!! turn it upfield, brandon!!! quicker, quicker!!!

live blogging the giants-redskins

Madden: to win the redskins have to run the ball. just like every football game since the beginning of football. and rush the passer. and score more points. jeesh!!!

Live-blogging the Giants-Redskins

Harry Carson, David Tyree, the catch, eli to plax, what a start!!! spike lee, strahan, the lomarddi trphy...stomp somebody out - what an opening!!! michaels and madden are dressed like limo drivers. madden has the biggest head outside of a yellowstone trophy room.

Live-blogging the Giants-Redskins

Blue politically, Blue Ridge Mountains, and yes, Giant Blue. I have been a New York Football Giants fan since the great Allie Sherman coached teams of the early 1960s - Tittle, Del Shofner, Rosey Brown, Sam Huff, Lynch, Patton, Joe Morrison running to Morrison's corner before kick-off and through the 1-12-1, 2-10-2 years. The Tarkenton years when every other moron in the stands called him Tarkington. The Yale Bowl, Shea Stadium, the Meadowlands... and then finally, LT (only someone who doesn't know ANY football history calls Ladainian Tomlinson LT), Lawrence Taylor, the single greatest defensive force on a football field that I have ever seen. Phil Simms, 22-25, 39-20!!! And the Scott Norwood, wide right from 47 and Parcells knew that 47 was his limit. The aberration against the Ravens. And then last year - the greatest road string ever. Eli Manning, the Kid from Deliverance for most of his career, becomes a Super Bowl MVP and Champion. Strahan, HOF. Jerry Reese, the greatest draft since the Steelers getting all those HOFers years back. What was he, 7 for 7, all contributing to the Super Bowl win??? And now tonight, game 1 of the 2008 NFL season, Giants vs. the hated Redskins, a team somehow still allowed to use a racially insensitive name. They should go 0-16 just for that. But 0-1 will be fine after tonight. The Giants lost Osi, which Eli shows up, can the Skins learn Zorn's offense, can they play defense (they gave up 70+ points in their last 2 pre-season) and can the Giants cover/guard Chris Cooley who always seems to be open in space? Soon, soon...

this just in:

even more foreign policy experience for sarah palin - she graduated from the university of idaho... in MOSCOW, IDAHO. surely attending school in Moscow qualifies as foreign policy experience.

Been a long Time

What to say - fixed the house in North Hollywood with incredible help from Gordon McKee and Craig Spivek. Lived in two rooms for 9 months - the kitchen and the master bedroom - while the house was on the market. Finally sold it. Thrilled to have done so rather than watch it lose value month by month. Thank you Republican induced mortgage lending crisis. Moved to Ashevillle, North Carolina. Found a great house. Escrow, easy with best r.e. agent, Vivien Snyder. Moved in 7/11, very auspicious, very lucky. Happy to be here. And now in the midst of two scripts, a book of poems (an alphabestiary homage to Ogden Nash) and invested totally in the Obama campaign and the direction this country will take in the next 4-8-? years. Much more to come re: Asheville, the election, the arts, movies, new friends, music, and the New York Football Giants. Stay tuned.